Today started like any other day in quarantine. I woke up, fed my dogs, drank my coffee, checked the status of my unemployment claim, and checked the status of all financial aid that I have applied for. The results of my laborious search were less than acceptable. They were mind explosive and horrible. This coupled with desperate text threads with other stressed out stylists, and Facebook threads with other stressed out self employed friends, I was sent into a full out meltdown. A meltdown complete with tears, kitchen floor sobbing, and all before my second cup of covfefe. I was having the best pity party I have thrown myself in years! You see, my pity parties are epic! No one really wants to attend, but I invite just about everyone I know, thus people make the obligatory appearance. Then I kick everybody out when I get tired. But today was different. Today people reached out. Today wasn’t obligatory. Today people showed me they care about me.

I got this whole Kumbaya feeling of love amongst my fellow humans. I am guessing because we really are all in the same boat…just various kinds of boats. I feel like I am in a canoe while others are on yachts, but the truth is, I am lucky to have my little canoe. There are people out there on rafts, or even worse. Some people are damn well near Jack in Titanic when that bitch, Rose, doesn’t share her piece of floating wood with him after he painted portraits of her and saved her life?! So maybe we aren’t all on the same boat, but we are in the same sea, and that sea is rough and cold and it sucks. The Covid Sea sucks. Can we agree on that? Awesome. Now…back to the kitchen floor cryfest.

When I get overly stressed, emotional or anxious, I find that cold tile floors are an absolute life saver. It is grounding in every sense of the word. So today, whilst on the floor, I get the news that Bernie dropped out of the race and boy oh boy, people got nasty AF. That was my breaking point. I said to myself, “Robin. Get your ass up, put on your bathing suit, grab a towel, and lay on the real ground, in real grass, and heal your soul a little”. I listened to myself, followed my advice, and my world got bright again. Suddenly, I was no longer worried about all of the things that I cannot control. I mean, I was still worried, but I was able to let it go. I chose to focus on that which I can control, which is my perspective. I had to change the angle in which I was looking. So, I looked down and to my right, snapped a selfie, because that is my best side. The natural lighting was so good. I digress.

While in the sun, I remember that today is Passover, and we have this “plague”, and I am not quite sure what to make of that? Everything feels so biblical, so dramatic, so unreal. I’m wondering if the Bible for the next world is being written by all of the news outlets. Each book of the Bible is CNN, MSNBC, FOX will write about all of the scary shit. NPR will write the Old Testament. You get my point. G_d, people in cages, false idols, The Covid Sea? Maybe I am reading too much into it, but none of these seemingly coincidental happenings are lost on me. I am just not able to find the meaning in all of this mess. But I do know that this is happening for a reason, and that it is so much larger than just me, or just you, or just anyone. This shit is legit, y’all. My freaking out about unemployment when millions of other people are also worrying about unemployment, makes me ashamed of myself. What makes me so damn entitled that I don’t want to wait on hold for 2 hours? What makes me so damn special that I feel my emails to SBA should be answered by now? Gross. I am everything I hate about white people. But that is for another day. Today, I changed my perspective.

I focused on the friend who had donuts delivered to my door. I focused on the friend who checked in every hour or so, just to let me know that they were sending me peace. I focused on the people who reached out, offering advice and love. I made space for those people, and pushed out the negative. I focused on blades of grass, the wind blowing, tiny flowers that some call weeds, heart shaped leaves, and overly affectionate puppy dogs. I focused on it being Passover. I focused on Passover, and its meaning. I focused on my people experiencing hardships for generation after generation after generation. I am built for the hardships. It is in my DNA. I focused on this being the first Passover without Nanny Claire, and the first one I have ever had to spend alone. But I am built for this. It is in my DNA. I got this.

I decided to make a pork loin. I was worried that it might be highly inappropriate on Passover, but my dad assured me that there is a special portion of the Torah which allows pork while quarantined. Plus, I bought it on sale, and it would’ve gone bad had I not cooked it. I digress.

Anyway, I changed my perspective. I changed my focus. I made a damn good dinner. I reclined. I opened the door for Elijah. I asked the Four Questions. I ate the aforementioned donuts (not all of them). I watched the last episode of Modern Family. I texted with my own modern family. I bathed (there is much rejoicing). I had a peaceful night.

I changed my focus and I found my joy. It wasn’t right in front of me, but all I had to do was look down and to the right, and BAM…there it was. And the natural lighting was so good.

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